1 00:00:00,270 --> 00:00:11,040 So my first question is, can you just tell what your first person experience first personal contact with mass 2 00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:20,000 incarceration with the castration system has been in your life that you can remember? 3 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:25,430 So I didn't know anyone got growing up like those incarcerated, but when I was in college, 4 00:00:25,430 --> 00:00:34,880 I had some friends who started writing inmates like they're perfectly involved with political prisoners. 5 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:40,630 When I was in school in Missouri and one of the. 6 00:00:40,630 --> 00:00:48,820 One of the people that are writing was that there were Muslim, and my friends said, Hey, I tried to write another Muslim, 7 00:00:48,820 --> 00:00:53,140 can you start writing, write to them and see if you can help out some things that they did? 8 00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:58,000 My friends who aren't Muslim couldn't help him with. So I started writing to a couple of people, 9 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:04,990 and pretty soon I was writing maybe five or six guys in Muslim Missouri and Pennsylvania Avenue in Pennsylvania as well. 10 00:01:04,990 --> 00:01:09,710 This was high school. This was in college college. Yeah. 11 00:01:09,710 --> 00:01:22,400 This would have been him. When I started, exactly. But. Twenty three, 2004, something that I saw I first started writing correspond with some people, 12 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:27,770 a couple of guys I got got to be pretty close with the writing when they started calling me. 13 00:01:27,770 --> 00:01:32,270 We had conversations in the phone. You know, two or three times a month. 14 00:01:32,270 --> 00:01:45,470 He'd call me. And then once I graduated from college in 2006, I got my master's and I left Missouri and moved to Wisconsin. 15 00:01:45,470 --> 00:01:57,320 And I was still trying to with the guys and a guy that I was calling is to call me very regularly, so I contact somebody I thought about, 16 00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:04,580 you know, my degree is in English, my master's degree is in English with linguistics kind of emphasis. 17 00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:13,010 But I had an idea that, you know, I wanted to do more with working with incarcerated people, but I didn't know how to do that. 18 00:02:13,010 --> 00:02:18,710 You know, I just it's in my head. It's something I'd like to do, but I it down the path to doing that right now. 19 00:02:18,710 --> 00:02:21,620 So how can I make that work? 20 00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:28,940 And that's I was going to be in Wisconsin for grad school, for a Ph.D. program because most things I do know what else to do. 21 00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:34,220 And you know, it's like, Well, I got into this program. I guess I'll do it. 22 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:42,360 I did that for one year. Didn't really feel like academia wasn't really where I wanted to be. 23 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:46,580 And during that time, I had started. 24 00:02:46,580 --> 00:02:55,840 Volunteering at a prison about an hour from Madison Dodge Correctional Institution, one of the chaplains, Eric, contacted the mosque. 25 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:59,780 They go to and said, Hey, we need some volunteers to come. 26 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:05,270 Read the Friday service for the Muslims here. And I, of course, jumped on that opportunity, said I want to do this, 27 00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:10,840 and the student had the free time that I can work around on my Friday afternoons to make that work. 28 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:17,520 And so first, there was a group of about maybe three or four of us that were going to alternate weeks and suddenly have to go every week. 29 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,910 Then one of the guys moved a couple of guys, 30 00:03:19,910 --> 00:03:32,300 so I didn't want to go anymore and prison was just me and I was going every every week and I continue doing that for. 31 00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:34,430 Six and a half years, maybe seven to seven years, 32 00:03:34,430 --> 00:03:43,610 I was doing as a volunteer every Friday without fail unless I was on vacation or the prison was locked down or something like that, I was I was there. 33 00:03:43,610 --> 00:03:50,420 I I really love doing that so that when I thought I'd stop my history program isn't what I want to be doing. 34 00:03:50,420 --> 00:03:58,290 I'm teaching in a public school, elementary school and here in Madison that for about five years. 35 00:03:58,290 --> 00:04:02,190 And then again, it really wasn't. 36 00:04:02,190 --> 00:04:07,830 But I want to be doing as far as the teaching at the preschool stuff, 37 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:12,300 but really pull towards towards going into, you know, working in the prisons more. 38 00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:17,340 But I still wasn't sure how how am I going to make this work? I don't know how to do this. 39 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:24,350 And. So I stopped the teaching job and had a couple of part-time jobs as going to working to make ends meet. 40 00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:27,410 And for about a year looking into some options about, you know, 41 00:04:27,410 --> 00:04:38,660 going to school and figure out ways to get more involved in the prison system and the institution that I was volunteering at, the chaplain there. 42 00:04:38,660 --> 00:04:42,740 It took me under his wing and mentored me a lot while I was there because every Friday 43 00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:47,960 I'd go there and we do the Friday service and then we'd have like a short half an hour, 44 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:51,950 45 minutes afterwards for study session men. 45 00:04:51,950 --> 00:04:55,340 And that institution has as an infirmary and a hospice program. 46 00:04:55,340 --> 00:05:01,130 So then after that he would take me down to the infirmary and I meet with the Muslim patients who are in hospice. 47 00:05:01,130 --> 00:05:07,490 It can come to the services are so sick and I would meet with them for another half an hour or so, sit with them. 48 00:05:07,490 --> 00:05:11,900 And so it's just kind of entering mission, how to how you take care. 49 00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:21,220 Here's, you know, all these things like that I learned over the years on the job training instead of, you know, classroom training. 50 00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:27,020 And then. I said looking around at the Wisconsin jobs website and seeing if, you know, 51 00:05:27,020 --> 00:05:31,730 there's a chaplaincy jobs open and the chaplain that I was working with kind of mentioned to me, 52 00:05:31,730 --> 00:05:35,810 hey, there's the chaplaincy positions open up in the prisons here. 53 00:05:35,810 --> 00:05:45,770 You should apply. So I did, you know, for the application, the civil service examine all that stuff and got contacted for some interviews. 54 00:05:45,770 --> 00:05:51,890 And I told the chaplain that I was working with that, that I had interviewed. 55 00:05:51,890 --> 00:05:55,250 I was very excited about it. And he said, Oh, that's good. You know, hopefully you'll you get the job. 56 00:05:55,250 --> 00:06:01,700 And I went to the first interview I went to actually, I walk in and he's on the interview panel. 57 00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:05,930 So that's another I think that's like, you know, it's just, you know, it's very nervous going into it. 58 00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:10,100 And I see him and I think, OK, he wants me to be the chaplain. I know him really well. 59 00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:11,870 I'm comfortable with this guy. 60 00:06:11,870 --> 00:06:23,030 So just like, totally, you know, at ease, I walked in after I saw him and I said to the place ended up getting the job at interviewing. 61 00:06:23,030 --> 00:06:27,260 Like a couple days later, they'd called me and said, Hey, you know, it took me references, you know? 62 00:06:27,260 --> 00:06:31,460 And then, you know, a week or so I was maybe the offer for the job. 63 00:06:31,460 --> 00:06:37,850 So that's that's what I'd been working since I started there in June 2013. 64 00:06:37,850 --> 00:06:42,380 And I've been working there ever since it's Fox eight correction institution, which is also about an hour from Madison, 65 00:06:42,380 --> 00:06:48,910 so I have a bit of a drive every day, but I I really enjoy the work I've been. 66 00:06:48,910 --> 00:06:54,350 I've been loving it from day one. It's always. 67 00:06:54,350 --> 00:07:00,410 So I don't mind the drive, I really enjoy the drive, you know, because it's going somewhere I want to where I want to be doing something I want to do. 68 00:07:00,410 --> 00:07:03,740 So yeah, I always tell people, you know, like if you had to drive 20 minutes to a job, 69 00:07:03,740 --> 00:07:08,100 you hate the horrible drive, but it's now our job to job you love. 70 00:07:08,100 --> 00:07:11,630 It's a big deal. And and plus, you know, we have stressful days. 71 00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:19,490 You know, you have to deal with some, you know, stressful situations at work, you know, have an hour to decompress in the car before I get home. 72 00:07:19,490 --> 00:07:22,160 So I'm not like immediately home and like, Oh my gosh, and still doing that, 73 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:34,160 just stuff and having to dump that on my family or whatever, you know, that's not fair to them, but are just trying to decompress. 74 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:39,470 And yeah, thank you so much for sharing for sharing this, this this project. 75 00:07:39,470 --> 00:07:49,970 I just wanted to back up and back up a little bit to go back to the the the the first experience that you were talking about was just curious. 76 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:55,010 So with the sending the letters, I'm just curious to hear more about what that process was like. 77 00:07:55,010 --> 00:08:07,370 And specifically, what did you learn about prisons or like incarcerated people while you were in college in in this process? 78 00:08:07,370 --> 00:08:12,410 I was just wondering if you could reflect a little bit about about what this was like for you. 79 00:08:12,410 --> 00:08:17,220 Yeah. So like I said before that, I didn't really know much about prisons at all. 80 00:08:17,220 --> 00:08:21,160 I hadn't really had contact with people who were incarcerated. 81 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:26,210 I read and listened to lectures and things like that about mass incarceration. 82 00:08:26,210 --> 00:08:37,270 So I kind of knew like the the big picture ideas, but I didn't know like that. The lived experience of people who were actually incarcerated. 83 00:08:37,270 --> 00:08:42,520 Most of the guys didn't really know a lot about like their all of the struggles they're going through, 84 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:48,640 but the guy that I had more close contact with would explain things to me about, you know, 85 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:52,780 even like the politics within among inmates in the prison, you know, 86 00:08:52,780 --> 00:08:57,730 and then also dealing with the administration and deal with the guards and things like that, just kind of how it can be. 87 00:08:57,730 --> 00:09:04,150 It's pretty quickly. It's a world whole different world than what we have out here. 88 00:09:04,150 --> 00:09:13,000 It's it's like our like the outside world in a lot of ways, but it's just so compressed it's, you know, a microcosm of society. 89 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,660 There's a specific rules which are unwritten, 90 00:09:16,660 --> 00:09:25,140 unspoken rules about how you interact with people and what are some of the rules that you learned about that they didn't know? 91 00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:33,510 So there's a lot of there's a lot of kind of idea of like a court like. 92 00:09:33,510 --> 00:09:35,650 A growth of openness of silence. 93 00:09:35,650 --> 00:09:41,610 Like, there's something we just don't talk about, and that would be both, both among between among inmates and also among staff as well. 94 00:09:41,610 --> 00:09:52,080 I've learned to know that working in that room, the same thing with the George Floyd trial and in the time of the blue wall of silence, 95 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,560 you're kind of coming down on the people that, you know. 96 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:59,490 So yeah, that I think of an idea like, you know that some things like, you know, even if you think about, you know, 97 00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:05,730 probably movies and TV shows you seen about incarceration that they talk about and snitches and things like that. 98 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:10,530 Yeah, it is. And things like that. Yeah. You don't. 99 00:10:10,530 --> 00:10:16,590 You know, someone's definitely wrong. You just kind of code of silence. We're not going to turn them over to the man, so to speak. 100 00:10:16,590 --> 00:10:21,760 You know, not going to, you know, he did something wrong with something so egregious that we we can't let it go. 101 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:26,250 You know, we had to care of ourselves at the end of the day. 102 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:33,210 There were kind of a code of behavior among inmates like, you know, it's about honor among thieves. 103 00:10:33,210 --> 00:10:41,280 That's a common common phrase. You know, it's the same idea that they they look out for each other. 104 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,690 They have some strict. 105 00:10:44,690 --> 00:10:52,660 Moral codes, which may not be well, it was a moral code and moral code, but they have certain things that they rule they abide by. 106 00:10:52,660 --> 00:10:56,530 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 107 00:10:56,530 --> 00:11:04,240 So in your experience, I mean, you don't have to answer this, but I just I just I just wanted to ask in your experience as a chaplain, 108 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:16,780 has there ever been a moment where you saw something that you were in like that you you weren't sure if you should? 109 00:11:16,780 --> 00:11:24,100 Like what? I'm just curious to know what is this? What time of silence looks like specifically, you know, experience. 110 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:33,670 And I understand that you might not want to share like a specific situation, but I was wondering if you could talk about like in general terms, 111 00:11:33,670 --> 00:11:41,720 obviously not getting into detail, but in general terms like what that has looked like in your experience. 112 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:51,050 Yeah, there's um. So as far as like I see it more with the as a staff member, it more among staff among officers, 113 00:11:51,050 --> 00:11:55,130 but there are definitely cases where can people know something's, 114 00:11:55,130 --> 00:12:00,560 not something's taking place, it's not necessarily appropriate or it was against policy. 115 00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:06,920 But then when people turn a blind eye to it, unfortunately, then you know, it continues to escalate. 116 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:12,830 And then we get to the point where then someone gets charged with criminal offenses or gets fired and things like that. 117 00:12:12,830 --> 00:12:19,210 And afterwards I was like, Well, why didn't I say something? Sooner before it got to this point. 118 00:12:19,210 --> 00:12:22,560 Yeah, but it's just this is this. 119 00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:29,160 It has culture among young staff where it's like, well, you know, that person's an adult, they know what they're doing, you know? 120 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:34,380 I don't want to be the one who's going to get them in trouble, you know? Why do you think that? 121 00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:42,030 Sorry. It's unfortunate that of ends up with a person does get in very big trouble because someone didn't step in earlier and say, 122 00:12:42,030 --> 00:12:46,560 Hey, you're kind of, you know, you shouldn't be doing this pullback from that. 123 00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:58,930 Yeah, why do you think that like, it's that you have such a like a like an important vantage point with this. 124 00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:04,200 So so why do you think that this this hesitancy in stepping in? 125 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:10,840 Why is it so hard to step in? Mm. 126 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:19,490 I think the officers I would say there's a lot of there's. 127 00:13:19,490 --> 00:13:22,910 They have a special bond because they went through the academy. 128 00:13:22,910 --> 00:13:30,560 I didn't go through the mechanics, I'm not not an officer, but in part it's like the academy and I don't know what all is taught in academy anymore. 129 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:34,420 And it's probably not explicitly said like, don't turn on each other. 130 00:13:34,420 --> 00:13:39,740 Approximately because I'm sure they're not teaching that, but it's just something they pick up along the way like that. 131 00:13:39,740 --> 00:13:53,110 And we're all in this together. You know, other to say that I'm not sure where it all comes from, but there is definitely a. 132 00:13:53,110 --> 00:13:55,150 It definitely. Really. 133 00:13:55,150 --> 00:14:02,200 I perceive that this idea that artists really want to stick together in light of the fact that it's a relatively dangerous environment, 134 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,760 you know, if you want to, you know, 135 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:12,340 there's my station, there's about thirteen hundred and fourteen hundred men who live there and we have out among all my all three shifts, 136 00:14:12,340 --> 00:14:21,130 there's 300 foreign staff. So yeah, you know, if we don't stick together, you know, all those men turned on us. 137 00:14:21,130 --> 00:14:27,310 There's not much we can do about it. So we have this idea that we got to you got to have James backs all the time. 138 00:14:27,310 --> 00:14:33,880 So just just the reality of the situation is, you know, you can't have the staff are all bickering among each other, 139 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:38,440 not protecting each other, then it makes the real weakness for us. 140 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:43,450 And it'll pick up on that and then easily have a very bad situation. Yeah, yeah. 141 00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:51,160 Thank you so much. So moving on to to your decision to work within prisons, 142 00:14:51,160 --> 00:15:02,140 you talk a lot about how different from the prison that you are and you're finding meaning that they're doing the work that you are doing and purpose. 143 00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:13,920 So I'm just curious to know what this purpose was and if you could talk like more more about like why you chose to do the service that you do. 144 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:31,590 Yeah. So. As far as finding finding purpose and meaning in it, I had in college, I was involved in the Muslim Students Association at my college and. 145 00:15:31,590 --> 00:15:37,860 You know, I'll give you the Friday prayers at times, and I had a little role there. 146 00:15:37,860 --> 00:15:42,780 And I find that meaningful. It's not nice to have a leadership position and do things like that. 147 00:15:42,780 --> 00:15:50,100 But then. And also, as you know, as a teacher than I was at experience, you know, teaching people in team management, people are slamming everything. 148 00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:57,320 So even even my own faith tradition. But. When you come into a prison. 149 00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:03,800 I feel like the impact I can have is so much more, and I just the first time you you come in there, 150 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:08,890 I mean, the first time I came there, I admit I was pretty scared. I never been in a prison before. 151 00:16:08,890 --> 00:16:13,460 But, you know, so he got there, give the sermon with a little prayer. 152 00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:20,240 And afterwards, all the guys are they're so thankful that they really appreciate the fact that, you know, 153 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:25,700 someone's going to come in there and give up their Friday afternoon to give them this, 154 00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:30,320 this religious loving, fulfill his religious obligation, give them the attention they need. 155 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:34,430 And it's of the things it's that's not that's not why I do it. 156 00:16:34,430 --> 00:16:37,100 Don't do it for the thanks and the praise God gave me. 157 00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:41,700 But it's one of those things where it's like, I can see, like, I see an immediate impact, you know? 158 00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:48,560 Yeah, yeah, I because I know otherwise these guys aren't going to have the opportunity to to me in Wisconsin. 159 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:52,640 Yeah. Inmates can't lead. It can't be a prayer service. 160 00:16:52,640 --> 00:17:01,220 So it's like you're either a volunteer comes in or a chaplain comes in, at least the service or they kind of left without anything. 161 00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:06,500 So like, they really appreciate it and it becomes education and teaching them things. 162 00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:09,740 They appreciate education on a level. 163 00:17:09,740 --> 00:17:16,790 That is very different than people on the outside, do you know a lot of us because that's what it is expected of us. 164 00:17:16,790 --> 00:17:20,720 It's like, you know, it just, yeah, I'll go, I'll go to school so I can get a job. Or, you know what? 165 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,450 You know, we have these other reasons, but they like to see education. 166 00:17:23,450 --> 00:17:32,090 Anything anything for them is just like opens up a whole new world of opportunities for them, a whole new way of looking at the world. 167 00:17:32,090 --> 00:17:37,790 And it's just something that they they value education and a whole different level than most of us do. 168 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:45,770 And it really is. You appreciate the actions that we've been given in our lives to have to go to go to school, go to college and things like that. 169 00:17:45,770 --> 00:17:50,390 And just to really have that perspective and seeing like, Wow, this is yeah, 170 00:17:50,390 --> 00:17:54,380 I'm really blessed in the things that I have that I have the freedoms I have. 171 00:17:54,380 --> 00:17:57,740 Yeah, yeah. So tell me about that first day. What was that? 172 00:17:57,740 --> 00:18:04,170 What was that? What did that first day look like? Yeah, so. 173 00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:09,450 It's obvious it's been a while now I'm trying to remember back a little bit, but. 174 00:18:09,450 --> 00:18:16,830 I remember going in it is a maximum security student where I went to first. 175 00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:21,840 And so you had to go ahead and go through the security in the in the front with the, you know, 176 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:27,390 take off your belt and your shoes and that the metal detector, all that stuff like that, which is it's like, OK, I've flown before. 177 00:18:27,390 --> 00:18:32,400 It's not that totally unfamiliar, you know, but still, it's a little nerve wracking. 178 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:37,920 And then you go through how many locked doors had to go through and see one to there's two. 179 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:43,170 There are two or three locks sliding doors. And then from there I had to wake up. 180 00:18:43,170 --> 00:18:49,580 The chaplain met me there and we walked up through a couple of. 181 00:18:49,580 --> 00:18:56,860 Throughout locked gate razor wire on top like that, we walked into the institution itself, go through another couple of like sliding doors, 182 00:18:56,860 --> 00:19:02,930 so it's just like, Oh my gosh, at this point I just got kind of thinking, Oh my gosh, I'm in here now. 183 00:19:02,930 --> 00:19:11,300 This is something I wanted to do. But also the reality is kind of sticking at that point that, OK, this is this is this is really happening now. 184 00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:18,110 The chaplain took me down to the chapel with an institution. He gave me a quick kind of orientation brief overview here. 185 00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:21,380 Some things do's and don'ts, you know, some basic rules. 186 00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:28,820 You know, you give me a handbook, a volunteer handbook and said, you know, read this over here in your free time, you have any questions. 187 00:19:28,820 --> 00:19:37,890 Let me know. And then it's kind of like, OK, now the guys are coming up here in about 10 minutes, so get ready and. 188 00:19:37,890 --> 00:19:43,590 So, so, so you know, the guys were coming in and I was very nervous, of course, 189 00:19:43,590 --> 00:19:47,520 I had my little meal, my whole speech written out, and nowadays I don't I don't really. 190 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:53,790 This you can write notes, bullet points, everything, everything written out. Word for word, excel very nervous. 191 00:19:53,790 --> 00:20:00,910 So get up there. I give my sermon. It's very short because I'm very nervous, as if I read very quickly, you know, and didn't write out a whole lot. 192 00:20:00,910 --> 00:20:07,470 And the after the chaplain who said I was very short, I said, I'll take it longer next time, but that'll be the prayer. 193 00:20:07,470 --> 00:20:14,850 And I remember when we did the prayer. This is the first time I've got many prayers before before that. 194 00:20:14,850 --> 00:20:18,630 But this the first time a group of inmates in congregation. 195 00:20:18,630 --> 00:20:23,640 And of course, as Muslims, we pray, you know, the imams, the leader of the prayer has his back to the congregation, 196 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,450 which is kind of a if you're not ready, if you're going to sit for hours and you're thinking, 197 00:20:27,450 --> 00:20:30,930 Oh my gosh, you think, Oh, this is going to have, like with when I was a sheik, you know, 198 00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:35,310 you know, the, you know, worst case scenario thinking of going through your head. 199 00:20:35,310 --> 00:20:44,390 And I remember, you know, as. Another visibly trembling, I can feel myself trembling just like that, the nervousness of being in that situation, 200 00:20:44,390 --> 00:20:48,020 you know, so the prayer we go through, the whole prayer and everything. 201 00:20:48,020 --> 00:20:53,510 And then I said afterwards, you know, the guys, you know, come out and thanking me and saying, you know, 202 00:20:53,510 --> 00:20:59,560 thank you for coming and thank you for doing this and all that fear and that nervousness kind of washed away. 203 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:05,330 OK, you guys are really thankful to have me here. And, you know, I said the sermon probably wasn't. 204 00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:09,740 I don't know what I talked about at all, but it wasn't probably the best sermons that were delivered. I it was very quick. 205 00:21:09,740 --> 00:21:14,460 I read very quickly. And but but the guys were very appreciative of that. 206 00:21:14,460 --> 00:21:16,130 You know, they really did like that. 207 00:21:16,130 --> 00:21:22,460 Someone was going to come in and say, you know, give it their Friday afternoon to come and teach them and serve them. 208 00:21:22,460 --> 00:21:29,420 And yeah. It was it was definitely a. 209 00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:34,340 An eye opening experience for me and there a lot of emotions, I guess, you know, 210 00:21:34,340 --> 00:21:40,430 the nervousness then, you know, because I've been to prison before, it's the first time going in. 211 00:21:40,430 --> 00:21:51,110 It can be so nerve wracking. And you talked about all the the gates of the harshness of the house. 212 00:21:51,110 --> 00:21:56,570 So how do you transform like you're talking about, like being there? 213 00:21:56,570 --> 00:22:06,430 So how do you how do you find God in a place like this? Like, how do you find God in a place like a prison? 214 00:22:06,430 --> 00:22:09,700 At first, for me, it was very intentional. 215 00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:16,300 When I go in, I would say certain prayers as a as I'm entering the prison and then going in the first first time. 216 00:22:16,300 --> 00:22:19,210 I don't know what I did exactly, but I made a point after that. 217 00:22:19,210 --> 00:22:26,230 After the first couple of times, I make sure to say some prayers from the granddaughter of protection and prayers and things like that, 218 00:22:26,230 --> 00:22:33,760 and I wish I had a good intention going into that. I'm doing this, you know, for the sake of God to serve these men here, you know, 219 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:38,170 to help them, you know, become better people, help them draw closer to God. 220 00:22:38,170 --> 00:22:46,770 And it's like that. But I would say, like, I am going through the gates, I'm saying to myself, certain prayers, Arabic and the Koran that, you know? 221 00:22:46,770 --> 00:22:54,000 What to get me in the right mindset, but also it's just protection because I don't know anything could happen any time. 222 00:22:54,000 --> 00:23:00,510 I still I still can't do that as I when I go to work now. 223 00:23:00,510 --> 00:23:12,480 Not quite as intentionally they used to, but I need more familiarity and comfort with the other institutions that I'm at. 224 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:16,290 And this instrument is a medium security institution, so it's not. 225 00:23:16,290 --> 00:23:24,210 Quite as bad as it gates in locking doors to go through, so it's not quite nerve wracking, and I have been going there for eight years now, 226 00:23:24,210 --> 00:23:33,840 so I'm used to the gates and yeah, yeah, it's just it's just part of going to work for me now. 227 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:39,720 But as far as you know, finding God in a situation like that, you know? 228 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:44,970 You have to you really have to as a staff member, we have to be very intentional about it. 229 00:23:44,970 --> 00:23:48,600 I think about why am I here, what am I, what am I going to do today? 230 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:57,090 What's my purpose in going to work? How can I help people here? Yeah, for the men that live there and women, if it's a women's institution? 231 00:23:57,090 --> 00:24:05,730 A lot of them met answers you've probably heard, you know, they especially talk about jailhouse conversions and things like that. 232 00:24:05,730 --> 00:24:13,230 And some of those might be kind of just some do might just be, you know, not very sincere in their conversion to whatever religion it is. 233 00:24:13,230 --> 00:24:19,230 But I spent a lot of people like they really. They really they really find God because they have nothing else. 234 00:24:19,230 --> 00:24:23,330 I think they really, really hit they've hit rock bottom and realize, you know. 235 00:24:23,330 --> 00:24:30,230 I've really messed up my life. I mean, they are facing 50 years, 100 years, you know, whatever they say, a long time in prison. 236 00:24:30,230 --> 00:24:32,060 I need to do something and I can't do it myself, 237 00:24:32,060 --> 00:24:38,030 so I need to turn to someone who has more powers and we can help me get through this difficult situation. 238 00:24:38,030 --> 00:24:45,390 Find myself in. Yeah. And do some really profound transformations and apply. 239 00:24:45,390 --> 00:24:50,270 Some of the men were they, you know, they had that. 240 00:24:50,270 --> 00:24:52,670 That was the moment of reflection in the moments that, you know, 241 00:24:52,670 --> 00:24:57,110 when they're afraid of photographs and they're in there in this and they're cell about themselves. 242 00:24:57,110 --> 00:25:03,950 And it's, you know, they said in 50 years and they're like, Oh my gosh, I do something guitar and knees and start praying for the first time. 243 00:25:03,950 --> 00:25:09,140 And it really transforms them. So can you? 244 00:25:09,140 --> 00:25:16,310 So obviously not like revealing other people's, identifying information or name or anything. 245 00:25:16,310 --> 00:25:26,470 But can you was there like any story of transformation that you've witnessed that was particularly like striking to you? 246 00:25:26,470 --> 00:25:35,170 Yeah. So this guy there's a guy that worked in the chapel at Fox, like he's there, 247 00:25:35,170 --> 00:25:41,410 he's our janitor for a while and then he got a job as a clerk in the chapel. He thought he wasn't a Muslim. 248 00:25:41,410 --> 00:25:45,180 He'd been down a long time. 249 00:25:45,180 --> 00:25:52,410 He is probably using his sixties, I believe he'd been locked up since he probably in his twenties or even done for a very long time. 250 00:25:52,410 --> 00:26:00,630 And so we got I got to know him pretty well. Walking in the chapel, I see him every day and. 251 00:26:00,630 --> 00:26:06,690 At first, he was very kind of gruff and. 252 00:26:06,690 --> 00:26:14,880 That kind of cranky old man to have a stereotype, you know, just didn't didn't really want to do much to improve himself. 253 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:21,420 And he tried taking a restorative justice program. It's a really good program at Fox Lake and you try taking it once and then quitting 254 00:26:21,420 --> 00:26:26,490 because one day the officer was signing people into the group said something to him. 255 00:26:26,490 --> 00:26:31,390 He didn't like it. That I quit and I'm done with this. You know, I just try to get going to deal with this. 256 00:26:31,390 --> 00:26:37,320 And he quit. And you go on to the next group. Next time we ran the story, Jessica, you got into that group again and you kind of went through it. 257 00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:45,840 And as part of that group, we have a week where there's we have victims of crime, come in and tell their stories. 258 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:51,930 And, you know, to the man in the group together with ideas for the mental and empathy, you know, 259 00:26:51,930 --> 00:26:56,610 to understand this, what it's what a victim that experience working with these crimes. 260 00:26:56,610 --> 00:27:05,030 And he was doing that group. He did that. And I remember I wasn't a part of that restorative justice group, but he has told me about it. 261 00:27:05,030 --> 00:27:11,820 And he said he felt his head exploded that day when the victims are telling their stories because, you know, 262 00:27:11,820 --> 00:27:20,220 he'd done some horrible things in his past, and he kind of realized that this is how this is this impact I had on these people. 263 00:27:20,220 --> 00:27:29,340 And at that same time, I believe Michael was right at the same time as the Restorative Justice Group at the same time period. 264 00:27:29,340 --> 00:27:40,290 I was running a group called Ethics 101, which we kind of go over ethical theories and it's kind of a college level introductory ethics level course. 265 00:27:40,290 --> 00:27:46,720 And I teach at the institute who's who's in that group with me too. So and. 266 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:51,100 So on one hand, is this transformation like is this a personal transformation about like, 267 00:27:51,100 --> 00:27:55,570 you know, realizing the effects of this crime on other people? 268 00:27:55,570 --> 00:28:01,660 And then isn't it with me where we're studying philosophy and like, you know, things like that, 269 00:28:01,660 --> 00:28:06,820 and he's saying it's hard to see this blossoming in isolation, 60, 60 something years old. 270 00:28:06,820 --> 00:28:10,480 There's also news. I just fell in love with philosophy. 271 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:17,710 And so he like he would come to me, like after every group or every week, you come and say, Hey, I'm honoring more Plato, the Plato, the reader. 272 00:28:17,710 --> 00:28:25,270 I wanna read more of this and read stuff and ask me questions about it and really develop a love of learning and love of, 273 00:28:25,270 --> 00:28:34,810 like thinking about important things. You know, it was most by that felt like, you know, yeah, I'm worthless and horrible things. 274 00:28:34,810 --> 00:28:40,900 Yeah, I remember one point he brought, he brought in a picture of himself when he first got incarcerated. 275 00:28:40,900 --> 00:28:47,230 So this is, you know, 40 years ago and he was a young, slender guy. 276 00:28:47,230 --> 00:28:52,720 And now he's he's, you know, it's like Santa Claus had a big white beard and a big belly like that. 277 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:57,400 But is that it is a serious guy here? And I said, Yeah, that's me. 278 00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:02,440 Yeah. As long time ago, right? Yes. You wouldn't like that guy. 279 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:06,700 You wouldn't. You wouldn't have liked that guy. And he wouldn't have liked you. Mrs. 280 00:29:06,700 --> 00:29:10,790 Mrs. Yeah, that's not me anymore. I'm not that same person anymore. 281 00:29:10,790 --> 00:29:14,710 Yeah. And it was it was just a really it's a memory. 282 00:29:14,710 --> 00:29:18,910 It's really burning my into my mind about this guy who transformed. 283 00:29:18,910 --> 00:29:24,520 And now he's last. I heard you went to a minimum security institution. He should be releasing pretty soon now. 284 00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:33,830 Well, I think most people who are just going to. I told the other chap, and I think, you know, I can see him being like a throw, you know, 285 00:29:33,830 --> 00:29:38,450 if things go like a pond, Walden finds Walden Pond and sit there and fish and read philosophy all day. 286 00:29:38,450 --> 00:29:46,370 He'd be happy, right? It just it is just such a huge transformation in his personality and his way. 287 00:29:46,370 --> 00:29:51,620 He thinks about things. And those stories aren't really that uncommon, either. 288 00:29:51,620 --> 00:29:57,800 And you ask people who transform themselves so much, you know a lot and it takes, you know, taking 40 years to get to that point. 289 00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:01,610 But yeah, it can happen. Yeah, people can really change. 290 00:30:01,610 --> 00:30:10,890 So how does that make you feel to think about this person's journey and how does that make you feel? 291 00:30:10,890 --> 00:30:17,140 I really feel honored to have had even a small role in that story, 292 00:30:17,140 --> 00:30:22,880 I know I know I have a transformation and but I was there to witness it and to the deceased 293 00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:27,390 and to see so much change like that and gives me hope for the future for other people, 294 00:30:27,390 --> 00:30:30,060 too, because there are a lot of guys who are also facing very long sentences. 295 00:30:30,060 --> 00:30:35,430 And maybe right now they're in and out of segregation, you know, they're getting into fights, they're constantly in trouble. 296 00:30:35,430 --> 00:30:43,650 But. And I know if if you give them a chance, we give those opportunities that they hope they can change, they can become a better person. 297 00:30:43,650 --> 00:30:53,670 Yeah, yeah. Thank you. So you're talking, you're talking about like like your mission as to serve. 298 00:30:53,670 --> 00:31:01,440 And, you know, like to to like, offer hope and faith in it's such important work. 299 00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:13,000 I think my question is, has there ever been a time where you felt like like you couldn't fulfill this mission? 300 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:24,600 There are times where it gets difficult. Especially the like one or two individuals who just seemed really resistant to what we're 301 00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:29,380 trying to offer them or when I said something to look with with administration words, 302 00:31:29,380 --> 00:31:35,730 it's can try to start a program, try to get something going and they're like, they're dragging their feet on it or they keep saying, no. 303 00:31:35,730 --> 00:31:41,970 And I just. I want to do this thing I think is going to help people, but it's not being receptive to it. 304 00:31:41,970 --> 00:31:45,480 Yeah. What did you want to do exactly? Sorry. 305 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:52,140 You can go ahead and say, I think back on all the times and people died and impacting that my programs are helping with and it's like, 306 00:31:52,140 --> 00:32:00,000 OK, you're not going rich. Everybody rich, somebody that's a success doesn't have to change the whole world. 307 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:03,600 ActionScript people. Yeah, that's that's good enough. Yeah. 308 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:08,610 And so what is something that you wanted to do? Oh, I'm sorry for interrupting. 309 00:32:08,610 --> 00:32:12,100 No, that's okay. Is A. is a little bit of lag and stuff. Yeah. 310 00:32:12,100 --> 00:32:17,280 Is that just kind of keep things in perspective, you know, realize that. Yeah, that change everything. 311 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:23,520 Absolutely. So what was something that you said that like the administration sometimes gets in the like? 312 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:31,920 What was something that you wanted to to do that was was challenging or that you wouldn't be able to do in the institution? 313 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:37,830 Well, so my ethics course took I had written up a nice a very long proposal for it and explained what I wanted to do. 314 00:32:37,830 --> 00:32:42,060 And I think that and my supervisor and my supervisor holding it, 315 00:32:42,060 --> 00:32:50,100 he took like 18 months for him to even consider the proposal like, you know, and while and I don't know, 316 00:32:50,100 --> 00:33:00,530 I don't know why he never really said like, Oh yeah, well, we're looking into that and, you know, months and I don't think you ever read the proposal. 317 00:33:00,530 --> 00:33:04,620 And so I get discouraged, but it's like, OK, well, what's going to happen? It's meant to happen. 318 00:33:04,620 --> 00:33:11,040 It's going to happen. And I know this group can be beneficial to people and yeah, be patient and present, 319 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:15,190 you know, send reminders that once every couple months, they, hey, you know, the impossible. 320 00:33:15,190 --> 00:33:22,980 We can get this group going again. And eventually, you know, he he looked at it and sent it to the warden and they approved it. 321 00:33:22,980 --> 00:33:27,330 And then I had my first group and then the first group was just was amazing. 322 00:33:27,330 --> 00:33:34,470 You know, the guy said, we to have evaluations at the end and you guys had amazing things to say about the program. 323 00:33:34,470 --> 00:33:40,770 And it's one of those things. It's like, I said, be patient and benefit the people. 324 00:33:40,770 --> 00:33:45,300 Once, once we get in there and people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 325 00:33:45,300 --> 00:33:51,900 And I've got other programs at a program that shut down because I was teaching Arabic. 326 00:33:51,900 --> 00:33:57,510 An Arabic study, which we're just now learning, we didn't get very far into it. 327 00:33:57,510 --> 00:34:04,320 We're learning we had and we did the alphabet and how to write kind of read, you know, 328 00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:10,800 pronounce words that nice to understanding them just to be able to read the Arabic language. 329 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:16,890 And then security came in and said, Well, we don't really want to teach in this this group because, you know, 330 00:34:16,890 --> 00:34:23,250 people here speaking Arabic and we can't understand what they're saying or they'll be writing and everything and what they're saying with the writing. 331 00:34:23,250 --> 00:34:29,730 And it is frustrating, but I understood that they do have a, you know, a security concern for that. 332 00:34:29,730 --> 00:34:29,880 You know, 333 00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:38,640 if there was always in writing in a language that they can't read and I know the one here who can read it now that they have a security concern about, 334 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:47,040 you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And letters in and out and things like that in language understand it's definitely a security concern. 335 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,430 So it's frustrating for me and frightening for the guys when they get shut down. 336 00:34:50,430 --> 00:34:56,160 But as most things as, yeah, that doesn't make sense, it's not. 337 00:34:56,160 --> 00:35:04,290 It's a bigger picture here than just the fact that on Arabic there's security always is always the number one thing in the institution. 338 00:35:04,290 --> 00:35:07,770 So read. You mentioned earlier, 339 00:35:07,770 --> 00:35:16,470 like the how your drives is also an opportunity for you to debrief about stressful situations that work so that you don't bring that home. 340 00:35:16,470 --> 00:35:27,690 And I was just curious to know like, what are the like? What are some of the common like stressful things that you have to deal with in your work? 341 00:35:27,690 --> 00:35:30,360 So thankfully, I don't have to deal with a lot of like the fights and things like that. 342 00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:37,490 I'm not a security staff, so I don't think there's a fight or medical center, a massive run in response to that. 343 00:35:37,490 --> 00:35:44,560 I hear about those things, of course. Most of what most of the most stressful things for me are. 344 00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:51,010 Kind of secondary trauma is where you'll hear a guys who come for counseling and say, you know, 345 00:35:51,010 --> 00:35:56,770 my cousin's got shot and killed in Milwaukee and you know, you know, and we break it down. 346 00:35:56,770 --> 00:36:03,790 Tell me about this. And you know, it didn't happen to me directly mean I'm hearing this thing and experiencing those things through them. 347 00:36:03,790 --> 00:36:10,190 I went to those counseling sessions can be especially when something is unexpected like that, you know, 348 00:36:10,190 --> 00:36:21,910 I got shot and killed or my child having my child or things like that, it can be very, very difficult to deal with those things. 349 00:36:21,910 --> 00:36:25,960 Yeah, yeah. Just because they're experiencing trauma. And as a chaplain, of course, 350 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:32,050 we're we're naturally kind of empathetic and we want to have experience with their 351 00:36:32,050 --> 00:36:37,390 experiencing self in their shoes with nothing to step out of that afterwards and say, 352 00:36:37,390 --> 00:36:42,400 OK, I got to return to my normal life. And that thing didn't actually happen to me. 353 00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:46,070 It just happened to that person. That can be part of it. 354 00:36:46,070 --> 00:36:53,310 So it's not like said that decompression time is nice and say, OK, this is what he said, but he did what he went through. 355 00:36:53,310 --> 00:36:58,200 I help them as much as I could today, and I help them tomorrow if he needs help tomorrow. 356 00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:04,700 But I need to go home and. Got live my life, not carry his trauma with me. 357 00:37:04,700 --> 00:37:11,720 Is that going to be very difficult to, you know, if you carry anyone else's trauma with you all the time, it's not healthy to do so. 358 00:37:11,720 --> 00:37:17,570 How, how, how do you deal with that? Like, is it just an internal work that you do with yourself? 359 00:37:17,570 --> 00:37:32,630 Or do you have do you have anybody that you can talk to about the or the like or the, you know, the the the the this hard part of your of your job? 360 00:37:32,630 --> 00:37:37,460 Or how how do you how do you cope? 361 00:37:37,460 --> 00:37:45,500 So thankfully, that passed and there's another chaplain at institution where I work, and we just recently got a different, 362 00:37:45,500 --> 00:37:53,050 a different one, the priest one moved on, but then thankfully the other chaplain chaplains that I've worked with have been very I. 363 00:37:53,050 --> 00:38:00,110 We've been very supportive of each other and have a safe place to kind of talk to each other about as difficult counseling session. 364 00:38:00,110 --> 00:38:07,310 You know, here's how I shared this with what I'm experiencing and what that with each other. 365 00:38:07,310 --> 00:38:12,110 We can reflect back and say, Hey, this guy told me, it's this horrible story. 366 00:38:12,110 --> 00:38:19,340 I need someone to talk to to process it with. And so is having another chaplain there. 367 00:38:19,340 --> 00:38:21,500 And it's not as if she's not available. 368 00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:30,770 I can talk to a social worker or a psychologist at the institution, say hey and difficult, and I'm dealing with, you know, an incident where I work. 369 00:38:30,770 --> 00:38:45,620 The staff is very. Well, cross disciplinary good process when I work, yeah, so I always feel like, you know, 370 00:38:45,620 --> 00:38:50,630 as someone who is too shy to talk about what I'm going out with, that's going on. 371 00:38:50,630 --> 00:38:58,700 If you had a difficult situation like that, as I talked to my wife about some of the things they don't give out all in details, of course. 372 00:38:58,700 --> 00:39:02,900 But it's nice having someone of the institution because they understand. 373 00:39:02,900 --> 00:39:08,690 Just the reality of what it's like to be working in a prison, right, whereas on the outside, you know, if I had a, 374 00:39:08,690 --> 00:39:14,330 you know, a friend or family member I'm talking about, they think they understand they don't get the full. 375 00:39:14,330 --> 00:39:20,840 They don't like to walk through those gates every day and they don't have that same understand that we have. 376 00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:25,460 So yeah, yeah, it's going to be very helpful to have other people to talk to and processes. 377 00:39:25,460 --> 00:39:28,550 That's where that that's wonderful. 378 00:39:28,550 --> 00:39:36,600 Another thing that I'm curious to talk to, you talked about your relationship with a little bit about your relationship with your administration. 379 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:40,550 You just talked about your relationship with, like other chaplains. 380 00:39:40,550 --> 00:39:48,350 You talked about your relationship with the incarcerated individuals. 381 00:39:48,350 --> 00:39:59,320 And I'm just curious to learn about what your relationship with like officers is like. 382 00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:05,870 Yeah. It depends on the officer. 383 00:40:05,870 --> 00:40:10,820 And when I first started there, things were kind of rough at first. 384 00:40:10,820 --> 00:40:18,080 Normally I wear a turban, underscoring the kufi cap rate today, but no matter where a turban at work. 385 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:27,760 And so I first got there, you know, there were comments mostly about the turbine, you know, derogatory comments about that and. 386 00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:35,300 Know, I think it's easier to shrug off because it's like. There is they're not my, not my peers. 387 00:40:35,300 --> 00:40:41,450 You know, there has to be working with and I can be safe, you know? 388 00:40:41,450 --> 00:40:45,860 But there are definitely. I never heard any direct comments about me being Muslim. 389 00:40:45,860 --> 00:40:54,320 Are you looking different from the officers that definitely get some weird looks or, you know, not train with the same respect? 390 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:59,000 They treat the other chaplain? And and things have gotten better. 391 00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:02,750 I mean, I sort of have been there for eight years now, and it's a people, you know, 392 00:41:02,750 --> 00:41:09,040 so officers are going to know me and see that I, you know, I do good work, you know, right? 393 00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:14,870 And then reliable. And that, you know, things like that. It's gotten better. 394 00:41:14,870 --> 00:41:22,790 But there are still there's officers that are very comfortable having a Muslim chaplain institution. 395 00:41:22,790 --> 00:41:30,500 What are they scared of? I don't I don't really know. 396 00:41:30,500 --> 00:41:41,330 A lot of. So the institution where I work is in the middle of really the middle of nowhere, it's middle of a bunch of cornfields. 397 00:41:41,330 --> 00:41:47,570 It was the town that was next to sort of next to it has got a thousand people in it. 398 00:41:47,570 --> 00:41:54,520 So it's, you know, middle of rural Wisconsin, lots of officers that are, you know, come from that that area. 399 00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:59,720 So there's not used to I mean, there's no use to anyone who's different. You know, just and I don't fault them for that. 400 00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:03,520 It's, you know, it's just they're raised in a different environment, you know? 401 00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:07,300 Yeah, I used to seeing some walking out of the turban on and you know, 402 00:42:07,300 --> 00:42:12,480 and just and they're used to anyone that's seen as different people that they're incarcerated. 403 00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:19,820 You know, for them, a lot of the only black people that they interact with are people that are who are supervising in the prisons. 404 00:42:19,820 --> 00:42:21,700 If you go to Milwaukee or something, 405 00:42:21,700 --> 00:42:30,410 there's a lot of black people here because I think this is all black people are in prison because 99 percent people have been in prison. 406 00:42:30,410 --> 00:42:34,420 So they're just like this idea that I am. 407 00:42:34,420 --> 00:42:42,520 It's a very rural, very white area. And just, yeah, this is not comfortable, something that's different than them. 408 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:50,260 Yeah, yeah. And you talked about the difference in treatment that you have noticed through the years between you and other chaplains. 409 00:42:50,260 --> 00:43:05,890 What do you mean by that? And don't know if I can think of any specific examples, but just like you get like these. 410 00:43:05,890 --> 00:43:08,590 This is like a it's a feeling it's not bad. 411 00:43:08,590 --> 00:43:15,090 It's much better now than it was when it first started, but then as soon as you walk in the room and there I was just like, You know, who's this? 412 00:43:15,090 --> 00:43:24,910 And this guy is different than us, you know? Or they might respond to shorter, you know, manner. 413 00:43:24,910 --> 00:43:29,020 It almost kind of rude. Yes. Just ask a question. 414 00:43:29,020 --> 00:43:37,930 Whereas the other chaplain might if she's she was there, very, very polite with her, but then comes very short with me and just. 415 00:43:37,930 --> 00:43:43,690 I never felt like any like overt, like just like my mother sitting on my face like, you know, Oh, 416 00:43:43,690 --> 00:43:52,870 we're not you because you're Muslim, but just the right amount of microaggressions and this sort of thing that we're in over time. 417 00:43:52,870 --> 00:44:03,670 But I've just had to. Really work hard and, you know, it's not the people that I show on the air and I'm going to, you know, 418 00:44:03,670 --> 00:44:10,930 I'm I'm here to do my job just like, you're here to do your job and the best I can and all that for you. 419 00:44:10,930 --> 00:44:21,140 If you look out for me and you know, we're all in this together, essentially, and people go places with great stuff. 420 00:44:21,140 --> 00:44:26,820 It's definitely helped it out. You know? Breakdowns on those barriers. 421 00:44:26,820 --> 00:44:33,770 So, yeah, yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that and for being so, so honest about this. 422 00:44:33,770 --> 00:44:46,910 I really appreciate that. One question that I had is how there's like outside of the US, your job, how does mass incarceration? 423 00:44:46,910 --> 00:44:53,930 And by that, I'm referring to all infrastructure policing the courts of jails. 424 00:44:53,930 --> 00:45:03,000 How does that impact your communities that you that are a part of? 425 00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:12,850 And. First, I'll talk about the Muslim community in Madison. 426 00:45:12,850 --> 00:45:22,420 And actually, in Wisconsin in general, we have a we have a very difficult time getting the Muslim community in Wisconsin to even. 427 00:45:22,420 --> 00:45:27,050 Think about mass incarceration, you know, except for a few. 428 00:45:27,050 --> 00:45:32,740 One massive Milwaukee that's, you know, in the inner city Milwaukee that they deal with that a lot. 429 00:45:32,740 --> 00:45:37,960 But the mass, you know, people, their immigrant communities, people coming from overseas with, 430 00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:43,030 you know, like their their PhDs or get an M.D., become a lawyer. 431 00:45:43,030 --> 00:45:48,850 So they're very they're very wealthy. They live in the suburbs, they're very out of touch with, you know, the reality of this mass incarceration. 432 00:45:48,850 --> 00:45:58,000 And and and they've always they have preconceived notions about whether a criminal is where they come from, a country where criminals really are, 433 00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:05,430 you know, locked up or people that are really, really criminals, you know, whereas in this country, people locked up for, you know. 434 00:46:05,430 --> 00:46:09,600 Relatively minor offenses compared to what you see in other countries. 435 00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:15,310 You know, since they have because is just a lot good ideas in their head about what it means to be a criminal. 436 00:46:15,310 --> 00:46:20,910 And so as far as I. 437 00:46:20,910 --> 00:46:27,030 As a chaplain and as a volunteer before that, we were always trying to get other volunteers to come in to help out other institutions, 438 00:46:27,030 --> 00:46:30,230 and it's like pulling teeth for people to be willing to do that. 439 00:46:30,230 --> 00:46:37,870 And I'd come to the mosque and it's not a Friday prayer and everyone's there and say, Hey, you know these? 440 00:46:37,870 --> 00:46:41,880 These institutions are looking for volunteers, and he doesn't see a need that you want prayer. 441 00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:47,890 They understand they can teach that so they can learn their religion and maybe get, you know, 442 00:46:47,890 --> 00:46:54,760 hundreds of people there and maybe get one person come and send a message that they will follow up with you. 443 00:46:54,760 --> 00:47:02,630 You know, it's just. So it's very difficult because but I know the reality is there are people who are touched by incarceration in our community, 444 00:47:02,630 --> 00:47:09,520 it's just it's almost like a shame to talk about it, right? 445 00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:19,490 Yeah, yeah, it's very it's very difficult. And then plus there is some issues with some issues with. 446 00:47:19,490 --> 00:47:26,180 Race played a role in that because the prison was like the congregation that I find if I'm leading the congregation. 447 00:47:26,180 --> 00:47:34,480 I can look out and it's like ninety nine, ninety five percent African-American and there might be a handful of, 448 00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:41,350 you know, Hispanic people, white person, maybe an Arab or South Asian, but it's too much. 449 00:47:41,350 --> 00:47:45,080 And when I deal with this pretty much almost exclusively African-American, 450 00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:50,240 whereas the Muslim asks, That's not the case, a handful of African-Americans. 451 00:47:50,240 --> 00:47:57,260 So there's just this disconnect in the Muslim community as a whole and the Muslim community in the prison, some guys get out. 452 00:47:57,260 --> 00:48:03,290 They kind of feel like they go home and integrate into into communities that 453 00:48:03,290 --> 00:48:06,380 were never part of in the first place Muslim convert while they're in prison. 454 00:48:06,380 --> 00:48:14,060 So, yeah, they come out and expect that the community is going to just embrace them with open arms and they come out and say, 455 00:48:14,060 --> 00:48:19,640 Hey, listen, let me see this, you know, help me out, you know, in the gut and people don't know who you are. 456 00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:24,410 You have a criminal background and this is this racism. 457 00:48:24,410 --> 00:48:28,220 And explain that to him. And I have a very difficult time with that. 458 00:48:28,220 --> 00:48:30,170 And some of the time we track, 459 00:48:30,170 --> 00:48:36,920 we've been trying to work on as far as the community to make them more accepting of and understanding that these are people that, 460 00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:40,860 yes, they did things wrong in the past, but they're trying to improve themselves. 461 00:48:40,860 --> 00:48:50,270 Yeah. You know, and unfortunately, my position as a chaplain, I can't do a lot of work with the guys want to get out of the rules as far as DC, 462 00:48:50,270 --> 00:48:59,270 as far as like fraternization between staff members, people who are right or incapacitated. 463 00:48:59,270 --> 00:49:02,450 And so there's I have a very limited role what I can do with that. 464 00:49:02,450 --> 00:49:09,280 But it's something that is very important because it just always points out, you know, 90. 465 00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:13,450 That ninety five percent of people that are incarcerated are going to return back to their communities eventually. 466 00:49:13,450 --> 00:49:22,450 We need to make sure there is ready for them and that they're ready for that entity. So it's one of those things that's very difficult. 467 00:49:22,450 --> 00:49:34,020 And as far as communities that I live in. The I live in a predominantly nonwhite neighborhood in Madison. 468 00:49:34,020 --> 00:49:39,070 Lower income and. There. 469 00:49:39,070 --> 00:49:44,730 I don't personally know anyone in my neighborhood that I might, but no, this isn't. 470 00:49:44,730 --> 00:49:51,260 They know for a fact was incarcerated or has had contact with the criminal justice system. 471 00:49:51,260 --> 00:49:57,130 Not known in my neighborhood, right? I said, I know for sure, but it's definitely a reality in this neighborhood. 472 00:49:57,130 --> 00:50:02,050 Right? Right. Right. Even in jail or in prison or. 473 00:50:02,050 --> 00:50:06,310 Right. Right, right. Thank you so much. 474 00:50:06,310 --> 00:50:10,690 I really appreciate this reflection. 475 00:50:10,690 --> 00:50:15,280 Do you have time for a couple more questions, like three questions of concluding. 476 00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:16,070 Thank you so much. 477 00:50:16,070 --> 00:50:36,400 So I think that one question is just, yeah, my concluding questions, I think, is, what do you wish I had asked you that I didn't ask. 478 00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:41,790 I don't know. I think we covered quite a bit. I. 479 00:50:41,790 --> 00:50:43,650 I can't think of anything right now. 480 00:50:43,650 --> 00:50:56,670 Is there anything about your experience or your story that you'd like to share for the archives that you haven't shared? 481 00:50:56,670 --> 00:51:03,380 Yeah, so. I found that. Unfortunately, you know, 482 00:51:03,380 --> 00:51:11,060 a lot of people have these very negative people out to have these very negative perceptions of what incarcerated people are like, 483 00:51:11,060 --> 00:51:17,090 you know that these stereotypes are based on TV or movies or whatever. 484 00:51:17,090 --> 00:51:23,630 But I've honestly found that some of the most insightful people I've ever met are people that are very special, 485 00:51:23,630 --> 00:51:28,010 people that are being arrested a long time because honestly, I mean, they have nothing to do. 486 00:51:28,010 --> 00:51:34,850 Most of them sit and think, you know, like, and they are the same, some very wise things. 487 00:51:34,850 --> 00:51:43,280 Sometimes they're in a group or or in a counseling session was like blown away by how this guy is a budding philosopher, 488 00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:48,020 like the way I was telling about how they really think about these things. 489 00:51:48,020 --> 00:51:57,250 As an example, in my ethics group that I run, we have a discussion. 490 00:51:57,250 --> 00:52:04,660 At the end, we have applied ethics, we have certain topics and ethics, and guys vote on this topic, which means they want to always pick. 491 00:52:04,660 --> 00:52:09,430 Capital punishment is what is one of them was interesting and not not as surprising. 492 00:52:09,430 --> 00:52:13,960 We don't remember a state that has capital punishment, but they always talk about it. 493 00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:18,520 And about half the group says they're in favor of capital punishment because they're not, which is said. 494 00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:23,950 I was interested in the first time because it's like Israel incarcerated and of guys are incarcerated, things that could have been a capital offense. 495 00:52:23,950 --> 00:52:30,700 You know, if this is a state that had capital punishment, but they always have they having discussions about that. 496 00:52:30,700 --> 00:52:38,380 And the last weeks they ran, there's a guy who is probably right from his 40s, early 40s now. 497 00:52:38,380 --> 00:52:45,050 He's incarcerated since he was late teens, so he is a teenager since as an adult for a capital offense. 498 00:52:45,050 --> 00:52:50,530 And he said in group, he said, You know. Yes, right? 499 00:52:50,530 --> 00:52:59,900 You know, if I are in different states, I'd probably be on death row for what I did. And he's told me he's still actually in is not positive, 500 00:52:59,900 --> 00:53:05,030 definitely thinks there's a there's a role that they should play, but we mustn't settle things, 501 00:53:05,030 --> 00:53:12,980 he said was if if they're going to execute me, they should have done it within a couple of years of me being incarcerated. 502 00:53:12,980 --> 00:53:20,120 If because of it, excuse me now that would be an injustice to not the same person I was back then, 503 00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,600 which is I always think about and people talk about the death penalty. 504 00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:26,660 Yeah, there are people who did horrible things and I know that people do horrible things. 505 00:53:26,660 --> 00:53:31,030 One, when guys I work with in the chapel, my clerks killed three people. 506 00:53:31,030 --> 00:53:36,710 You know, and but again, I think he seems like he's 60 years old now. 507 00:53:36,710 --> 00:53:41,150 If they're to execute him now, it'd be a huge injustice. He's no, he's not no danger to anyone anymore. 508 00:53:41,150 --> 00:53:44,340 It's completely changed my life. 509 00:53:44,340 --> 00:53:54,360 So it's really insightful things to say, and this is one thing that the all these amazingly insightful things, you know. 510 00:53:54,360 --> 00:54:01,980 And it's it's important to recognize that if we're given the opportunity to think 511 00:54:01,980 --> 00:54:10,480 and challenge them into did not grow into empathy and they can be they can really. 512 00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:16,410 Really change and transform themselves, and I've seen so many people that just recognize, you know. 513 00:54:16,410 --> 00:54:21,560 The the gravity of what they've done and want to make amends for that some way, you know? 514 00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:26,330 Right, right. And just think you remember that? Just remember that at all. 515 00:54:26,330 --> 00:54:35,950 I mean, they're all human beings. They all, yeah. They all have the same wants and needs and desires that we all have now. 516 00:54:35,950 --> 00:54:46,650 The one thing that when I first started volunteering, one of my friends gave me a piece of advice, which is to always carry with me, he said. 517 00:54:46,650 --> 00:54:54,830 He said, Remember that everyone commits sins. But only some of those sins are illegal. 518 00:54:54,830 --> 00:54:59,060 And that's right. Is I always carry with it. 519 00:54:59,060 --> 00:55:04,210 You know, I see people, you know, they're incarcerated, it's like, Yeah. I mean, it could be me. 520 00:55:04,210 --> 00:55:07,940 I know I'm not perfect. I commit sins since I can. 521 00:55:07,940 --> 00:55:11,140 I just happen to be, you know, ones that aren't against the law or whatever, you know, 522 00:55:11,140 --> 00:55:17,150 like or have been caught or you know it, things like you think a change in the moment for anyone? 523 00:55:17,150 --> 00:55:26,450 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a very, very powerful. And think about the fact that you know what separated me from being on the side of sense that I'm on. 524 00:55:26,450 --> 00:55:31,460 It's not a lot. If something could change my life, could something happen to my life? 525 00:55:31,460 --> 00:55:35,680 And I make a bad decision and then I say on the other side of the fence. 526 00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:43,620 Yeah, you know, it's it's just a reality. I think even people on the outside really understand that, that it's not. 527 00:55:43,620 --> 00:55:49,570 It's really easy to end up on the other side of the fence, you know, it's just success was slightly different for you. 528 00:55:49,570 --> 00:55:54,230 It happened exactly you. Thank you for this reflection. 529 00:55:54,230 --> 00:56:09,230 So, Leslie, if I imagine that some decades from now, researcher studying mass incarceration in the US comes across this interview that we did today. 530 00:56:09,230 --> 00:56:14,930 Mm hmm. What if you had a final message to that person? 531 00:56:14,930 --> 00:56:25,580 What would you like that person to know about your story? 532 00:56:25,580 --> 00:56:32,320 If. Well, I was just saying, I think is part of it, the fact that, you know. 533 00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:39,220 We're all we're all human beings, we all make mistakes. Some of those mistakes innocent of in prison, some of them don't. 534 00:56:39,220 --> 00:56:48,560 And. The each person has kind of a unique trajectory of their life, you know, how I ended up being a chaplain is different than not being a chaplain. 535 00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:58,650 Oh, my and my kind of incarcerated people is different in other people's might be family members or close friends that are incarcerated. 536 00:56:58,650 --> 00:57:02,530 But, you know. Ultimately, it impacts every single one of us. 537 00:57:02,530 --> 00:57:06,430 Like I said, you know, most people, they unconsciously are going to come back to our community eventually, 538 00:57:06,430 --> 00:57:16,380 and it's up to us as members of our society to make sure that we are preparing them for that reentry. 539 00:57:16,380 --> 00:57:20,700 You know, whether it's through the education they need, whether it's through the religious services, 540 00:57:20,700 --> 00:57:24,110 they need, religious freedom, the counseling they need, whatever it is, they need rather. 541 00:57:24,110 --> 00:57:29,950 And I think it's very important we give them those resources and give the opportunities to improve themselves. 542 00:57:29,950 --> 00:57:34,090 And then given and given that those second chances are they can come back and be 543 00:57:34,090 --> 00:57:39,510 successful because otherwise it can be just that revolving door exam gets out. 544 00:57:39,510 --> 00:57:45,460 And you know that for a few months or a few weeks or whatever and they're back in prison again, we want to go to prison. 545 00:57:45,460 --> 00:57:48,290 They make that mistake in prison in the first place. 546 00:57:48,290 --> 00:57:54,370 Given all the options, they can have something and they do get out there and be successful in the argument to be a burden on the system. 547 00:57:54,370 --> 00:57:57,070 It's not going to end up back in prison again. 548 00:57:57,070 --> 00:58:04,090 I mean, as a person of faith, I believe that everyone has the opportunity for redemption and for forgiveness to improve themselves, 549 00:58:04,090 --> 00:58:13,220 so we need to help them out with it, whatever we can do to help them. 550 00:58:13,220 --> 00:58:18,920 Chaplain quote, it was such a pleasure and honor to talk to you today. Thank you so much for your time. 551 00:58:18,920 --> 00:58:23,450 I feel like I've learned so much from just hearing your talk. 552 00:58:23,450 --> 00:58:33,140 Thank you for the important work you do. Do you have any questions for me or is there anything else that you'd like to say? 553 00:58:33,140 --> 00:58:37,980 No, I don't think so. I think, like I said enough. All right. 554 00:58:37,980 --> 00:58:39,168 So I'm going to stop the.